we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
