My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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