very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
