normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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