I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
