cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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