Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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