I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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