So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
