need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
