I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
