I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
