Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
