he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
