Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
