Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
