I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
