I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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