Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
