Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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