it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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