They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Two words: nipple clamps
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