well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
