Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
