Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
