Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
