im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
