chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
