Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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