Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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