is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
