I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
