Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
