Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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