A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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