I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
