I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
