That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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