planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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