Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
