Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
