Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
