im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
