Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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