you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
