I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
