So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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