Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
should my penis look like a turkey
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
