just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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