you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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