What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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