It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
