mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
In America we eat man semen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
