We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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