i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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