The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
