hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
