Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
