I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
