JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
