You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
