Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
