My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
