Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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