I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
