the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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