i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
