I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
